I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
