i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
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