Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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