'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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