dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
