I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
