She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
