Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Randomize