I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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