Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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