This girl is more easily done than said...
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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