He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize