Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
It was confusing and full of hummus
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
