just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
