I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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