before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
