So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize