I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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