garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
