hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
