winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
