Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
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