i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
