Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Are my feet made of real feet?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize