so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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