Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
