so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
