She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
