Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
