The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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