I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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