Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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