Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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