I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
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