I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
