I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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