sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize