Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
