Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
