I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I'm eating all of the evidence.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
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