The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
