Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
