I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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