My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
