So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
