You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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