I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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