There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
