I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
