Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
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