dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
