Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Randomize
