You really coming over, don't trick.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Randomize
