it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
A+ Viking dick
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize
