every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
