We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
