Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
