my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
the raccoons are back...
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
