I smell stomach acid.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Randomize
