i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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