I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize