I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
