I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
