You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
How drunk are you?
Completed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Randomize
