My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
even my farts smell like vagina
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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