Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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