this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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