Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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