She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
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