I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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