Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
