I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
