im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
