I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
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