and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
