Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Pants are for mortals
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
