She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
