Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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