dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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